A few weeks ago I talked about addictive thinking and how the Four Agreements helped me to sort out my thoughts.

One of the Four Agreements is to not take anything personally.

When I remember to not take other people's words personally ... I am able to hear what they are saying much more objectively.  People tell their own truths by the words they use to describe other people.  If they describe something in a negative way, they are giving you insight into their world.

I found this article and it does a much better job than I can of showing you what I learned:



Exercise Your Critical Thinking Skills

What's the difference between someone who is "pushy" and someone who is "assertive"? In many cases, nothing more than the values held by the observer! Why? Because "pushiness" and "assertiveness" - just like every other personality characteristic - are primarily in the eye of the perceiver. In this way, we perceive other people based on our own personal likes and dislikes.

The problem is that language has built-in and inescapable biases, in that words function as BOTH "objective" descriptions AND "subjective" value judgments. Surprising (and strange) as it may seem, we simply don't have neutral or "value-free" adjectives when it comes to personality. As a result, in describing others, we can't help but judge and evaluate them as well. Moreover, not only can descriptions never be impartial, but they also frequently reveal at least as much about the observer as they do about the "observed"!

As an illustration, let's say that two different observers, A and B, each with a different set of personal values, are asked to describe the exact same person. Notice how the words they use reflects their own subjective preferences and points of view.

What were your answers?

These were the suggested responses from "OBSERVER B"

immature - CHILDLIKE
manic - ENTHUSIASTIC
weird - INTERESTING
failure - LEARNING EXPERIENCE
dependent - LOYAL
anal retentive - TIDY
thought disordered - CREATIVE
codependent - CARING
narcissistic - HIGH IN SELF-ESTEEM





I have been like Observer A some days and like Observer B other days.  I suppose we all have our good days and our bad days, times when we are under more stress than others, times when we aren't feeling well, or times when life is going so good that we love everybody we see ...

I liked this article because it reminded me that when someone uses a word like anal retentive, others might describe the same person as tidy ... Looking at the lists reminded me to be a better listener and more conscious of my own communication.  

Reading it today reminds me to not take anything personally or assume too much.  It reminds me to really hear the words people say ... because it gives me a good look at their view of the world that day.