I saw a little book that was titled 2000 Things You Can Do To Cheer Yourself Up.  I remember flipping through the pages and smiling at some of the ideas.  What if we did that?  What if we really did one thing every day just for us?  What would happen if we gave our self 10 minutes just for us?  What if we gave our self one simple little pleasure?  It wouldn't have to take a lot of time or money ... It really is the thought that counts!   

You could ...
  

Start off the day with some sort of exercise: a walk, the treadmill, a swim, maybe, exercise or a yoga tape.  

Give yourself a mini-spa!  Light a candle and use a scented body wash that you absolutely love.  Play some music to calm you down or get you going ... your choice!

Or if there's time, what about a long, hot bubble bath ... I found some bath salts with rose petals in them!  Wonderful! 

Bed, Bath and Beyond sells fancy towel warmers, but you can do the same thing ... just put your towel in the dryer right before you get in the shower!  A warm towel is oh so delicious!!!

When you get out of the shower and dry down, cover yourself in lotion or a nice talc.  Whatever you do, take your time.  This is your extra ten minutes ... a little gift you are giving yourself!  

Sometimes, I pour a glass of juice in my favorite juice glass.  The glass is from the 50s and has the cutest little tulips all around it.  I have it waiting for me when I get out of the shower on a little tray with my vitamins. 

Some mornings, I have a cup of herbal tea or decaffeinated coffee on the back porch.  I can hear the birds singing and the river down the hill or the wind chimes.  Sometimes, I just watch the birds or read a few pages of a good book or both!  

Good books?  I got hooked on reading when I was a kid.  I LOVE BOOKS!  I am usually reading 3-4 at the same time.  One for work, one for self improvement, and usually a novel, just to lighten things up.  Reading was my life-line in the beginning of recovery.  I don't know how much I retained back then, but just the act of reading was a comfort to me.

Reading has a predictable routine.  Take one word at a time, one sentence at a time, one paragraph at a time ... turn the page ... one chapter at a time ... turn the page ... one idea at a time ... turn the page ... the character getting in trouble? ... turn the page ... and eventually ... turn the page ... It all works out ... turn the page ... until there is a happy ending!  I try to look for one thing in every book I read that touches my heart and inspires me. 

I like decorating books and decorating magazines.  I like reading books from the self-help section.  In fact, I have shelves of books that reflect wherever I was at the time ... I guess I have been trying to figure out where I was for a long time!  I also like books that share unusual insights like The Four Agreements, Animal Speaks, Power Vs. Force ... just to name a few.  They put these in what they call the New Age section, but they may have been found previously in foreign cultures or philosophy. 

I also like novels ... James Michener or Sidney Sheldon books are classic.  They take you to other countries you may never get to visit, but after reading one of his books, you almost feel like you have!  In fact, he wrote a book called Caravans that is set in Afghanistan.  I read it right a few years ago and it gave me an interesting view of a country I had never really thought much about.  Sidney Sheldon writes intriguing mystery books.  Nicholas Sparks writes romantic stories about real life kinds of people.  His stories pull at my heart and remind me of how good it feels to love.  I like his characters and usually come away from every book he writes with a lesson learned about myself.

Reader's Digest (remember those old books with 5-6 condensed books) has some of the classics condensed into something I can read in a weekend.  I also like travel books, especially ones with LOTS of pictures!  Every book has something in it that will spark your own creativity.  I have a friend that collects cookbooks.  She has closets and shelves FULL of cookbooks!  I have another friend who likes to read encyclopedias ... just for the pleasure of gathering information!

(laughing)  I got off track for a minute there ... which is easy for me to do when I talk about books!  I can get lost for hours in a library or a bookstore ... But let me get back to what we were talking about!

We were talking about doing a little something for ourselves every day ... little gifts of goodness that we give to ourselves ...    

I have a piece of cinnamon toast every morning.  I love cinnamon toast!  My daughter likes to start her day with a bagel.  My other daughter likes waffles and jam.  My grandkids like pop tarts!    

Forget about your "usual uniform" that you wear every day and for today, wear something really comfortable or something that just makes you feel pretty.  Spice up what you are wearing with a piece of jewelry or a silk scarf.  It will make you feel pretty and when we feel pretty, we are pretty!  It comes from the inside!  It's not the scarf or the jewelry.  It's how we feel wearing the scarf or jewelry!

Maybe, you like hats?  I stopped by a coffee shop this winter and there was a lady there in full winter clothes, long black coat, black gloves, black boots and the coolest velvet hat!  She had fastened three or four sparkly vintage brooches along the rim in front and it looked amazing!  I smiled when I saw her.  I noticed that other people smiled too.  It was cold and gray outside, and she had found a way to bring some sparkle to everyone's day!    

I have to admit ... a cute pair of boots, heels, or even a cute pair of shoes makes me feel pretty good too!  Speaking of feet, getting a pedicure can be one of those little gifts we give ourselves!  Why not get a manicure at the same time?

Whoops, I just thought of something that could fill a whole afternoon again, didn't I?  Oh well ... turn the page!  

If you like to cook, how about baking a cake or cookies?  I like making a really good roast (I love to get a beef or lamb roast and cover the roast with a small jar of minced garlic and bake it covered at 300-degrees for hours ... the house smells so good!) or a vegetable casserole or a seafood pasta ... pick something you LOVE ... In the winter, I make a lot of hearty soups, stews or even chili in the crock pot, and let them cook all day.  It feels so good to come home with the smell of good home cooking already there.

Speaking of smells that fill our homes ... 

Fabreeze has a new home-spray.  Sometimes, I make more time by picking up the clutter and straightening things up a little and then, I spray the rooms ... It feels like I have hired a whole cleaning crew with very little effort!  Shhh ~ I can't do it every week, but every once in a while ~ There are more important things than a perfect house!

Do you like to sew?  Can you crochet or knit?  Have you seen the cool yarn they have now?  Do you embroider?  Can you paint?  Have you seen the beads people are using to make jewelry?  They sell real gold and real silver beads and semi-precious stones now!  Have you gotten into scrap booking?  Visit a craft store!  I bet there is something you would love to do!  

Jigsaw puzzles are fun!  Crossword puzzles too!

I have a crystal candy dish that I often fill up with seasonal candy ... hearts on Valentine's Day, jelly beans at Easter, candy corn on Halloween, peppermints at Christmas, or M&Ms any time else ... I don't eat all that candy myself, but it is my "duty" to make sure the kids are sugared up!    

In the winter time, a cup of Cocoa or a cup of Russian Tea chase the chill away.  How do you turn a hot drink into your special ten minutes?  Wrap up in a thick afghan or quilt and drink it outside on a swing or a rocking chair!  Listen to the birds.  Watch the wind play in your trees.  Breath in the world around you!

I have mentioned birds a few times.  I have two or three bird feeders and just as many bird baths.  I get LOTS of birds and quite a few pesky squirrels too.

I live in the woods in the country so I have watched deer, rabbits, raccoons, squirrels and even flying squirrels at night!  I have seen flocks of wild turkeys, a blue heron, red tailed hawks and song birds of every sort.  Did you know that plain old sparrows have the prettiest songs?  I think there's a life lesson in there somewhere!   

And then, there's always chocolate!  The really good, creamy, to die for chocolate.  Find your favorite little corner of the world and enjoy a piece of chocolate.  Let your mind wander.  Or if you can, let your mind just go blank!  Let it melt in your mouth.

Did you know if you take a plain old store bought peanut butter cookie and put a Hershey's chocolate kiss on top, pop it in the microwave for just 15 seconds and you have a warm cookie that is oh so delicious ... Heck, make two!  They're small!

Sometimes, I play music ... we all have our favorites.  Music makes my chores go quicker.  Music also makes a quiet meal more special ... Sometimes, I find myself humming through the day ...  

There is so much comfort (and safety) in our homes, but there are fun things to do outside our homes.  I like to visit home improvement stores.  They are always coming up with new gadgets.  I find the neatest ideas!  I also like to go to card stores.  I'm don't always go to buy a card.  Sometimes, I like to read cards, just to smile.  I have been reading cards and laughing out loud more times than I can count, and a laugh is always a good thing!  Of course, I like Barnes and Noble ... and the coffee treats!   

I like to fish!  I live near a river.  I have walked down there and dropped in a line.  Sometimes, I catch a few.  Sometimes, I don't.  I don't keep the fish ... always throw them back.  The fun is catching them! 

Watching the water roll by with an occasional leaf or piece of wood ... maybe, something more interesting, is calming.  Sometimes, I like to just watch the water tumble over the rocks, or I shut my eyes and listen to the waterfall downstream.

I have started carrying my camera again because the sun sets about the time I am headed home and sunrises and sunsets cast the most amazing light and shadows across our world.  I have seen the prettiest things and wished I had my camera with me.  Well, now I do!  I'm looking forward to what I see next!  

Looking forward ... In recovery, we spend a lot of time looking back.  Then, we begin to see the value in living for today, one day at a time.  Then, we get the idea that we can actually do things to make THIS DAY more than just another day to be endured.  We can find a way to do something nice for ourselves TODAY.  Maybe tomorrow too?  If you find a way to give yourself a little gift of time or a simple pleasure everyday ... and you do it long enough ... it will become a habit that enriches your life.  One day, out of nowhere, you might even forget about your past, be thankful for today, and even look forward to tomorrow ... We can all get there ... 

One moment at a time ... turn the page ... one day at a time ... turn the page ... one week at a time ... turn the page ... one month at a time ... turn the page ... We have to start somewhere ... so for today, and just today ... 

Make it a good day !!!


 

When the first light of sun-
Bless you.
When the long day is done-
Bless you.
In your smiles and your tears-
Bless you.
Through each day of your years-
Bless you.

A Fun Test You Might Enjoy?
I'm curious ... How did you do?
Post your score in the comment section or PM me if you want ...


It's Elementary! Are You Smarter Than a 5th Grader Trivia Quiz - AOL Television






Yesterday, I got to thinking about asking for more.
I remember wishing for love because I had enough of a life
to share with someone special
and then ...
after finding a love like no other,
I find myself wishing for more of life to share with my love.
This poem is dedicated to Joey.

 

THE JOURNEY

I've been on this very same road all my life

every twist and every turn

every stumble, tumble and fall

every excess, access and call

the deepest blues and the top of my game

 

thoughtful moonlight wonderings

and

subtly soft sunshine epiphanies

a steady string of mysteries

little miracles scattered across the tapestry

that is me.

the brightest threads were flashes of inspiration

bits of enthusiasm, intuition and joy

the darkest threads seeping in with no explanation 

carving canyons as if to destroy

morphing and intermingling in perfect alchemy

extraordinary strides or ordinary baby steps

and still here I am
a half finished masterpiece
facing

another half-finished masterpiece

that seems to complete mine.

Come stand close to me.

How can this be?

We have come from different places

and different threads fill our tapestries

but whoever painted your side
seems to have painted mine.


(this is the place where fireworks should be)

I can look back now and be glad for every step!

I can see how every color, the dark and the bright

compliment your colors just exactly right.

I never would have imagined

or even dared to dream

that everything had a reason
not always what it seemed

When I hoped for my happy ending

I never even knew

there could be someone as good as you

 

How could I have ever known

that every step and misstep brought me straight to you?

You are my happy ending.
You are my dream come true.

You are my favorite part of the story that is me

the part where two hearts join hands

stroll off into the sunset
dance under the stars

and rest in each other's arms.

 

This is the place where we dream new dreams

much bigger than before.

We're tried and tested, healed and rested,

embracing life and asking for more!


 

If the relationship was toxic, the relationship must go through a transformation, since it will always be with you.  You do not need to be in contact with the person to change the nature of the relationship.  You can change how you perceive it.  You can change how it impacts you.  This is true of all human systems - intact or not.

Your whole emotional and intellectual stance toward that person must be different.  By this point you already have what you need to know. 

That's right!  Your answers are already there inside you.  Deep down, we do KNOW what we need to do.  No matter what you are hurting from, there will come a time to begin recovery. 

The problem of recovery is whether you are willing to risk the changes necessary.  We have our own list of things we need to do.  It wouldn't hurt for the people around us to know and understand what our goals are.  We all need to know that change doesn't happen overnight and some things take practice.  We will have good days and bad days.  Some things will come easier than others ... These are the things we must do to win our lives back:


TO COMMIT TO REALITY AT ALL COSTS ~ 

Recovery requires staying in reality.  You can't wish anything away.  You can't pretend to be okay.  You can't ignore the truth.  It takes courage to face the facts sometimes.  It takes strength to bring something out in the open so that it can be dealt with.  No more masks.  No more excuses.  For your sake, you have to get real.  

THE MISPERCEPTION OF OTHERS ~ 

Once you have clarity about reality you must be willing to risk that others will misperceive you.  Survivors want others to understand them.  They do not want anyone upset with them.  Their childhood training taught them that "if you cannot say something nice, do not say anything at all." ... The fact is that you can give the perfect explanation and others will not understand it, maybe not even believe it.  Even those who truly do cherish the survivor will misperceive ...

If survivors are making significant changes, the people around them will not like it because it might mean they have to change too. 

They will misinterpret the survivor's actions.  They may even question the survivor's motivation and conduct.  Count on it.  Remember, others ... will have to go through denial, fear and anger before they get to the pain.  That includes family members, friends and other people on whom survivors might count.  If you are committed to reality, you must accept that people will misperceive you.

TO HAVE BOUNDARIES ~

If you are willing to have others misperceive you, then you must run the risk of drawing boundaries.  Implementing the boundaries you have specified in your recovery plan will upset people.  When you start insisting on maintaining limits and meeting your own needs, self-respect emerges. 

You are a person who demands reckoning.
You are a person of value ...

Second, having boundaries clarifies values.  They essentially are the answer to the question, "For what am I willing to fight?"  Those values help define who you are.  Finally, by successfully implementing boundaries, a new trust for yourself emerges.  Survivors can and will take care of themselves, which creates a new sense of safety.

TO SAY GOOD-BYE ~

If someone does not respect your boundaries, you will have to leave ... The best thing for you - and in fact, the other person as well - is to face the reality that the relationship cannot survive.  Saying good-bye is wrenching for survivors, who already grieve many losses ... So when it is time to say good-bye, the grief will be overwhelming.  The only choice you have to survive is to embrace the pain and experience the loss.  You may not have to say good-bye, but you must be willing to do so.  In fact, life as you know it may require a complete transformation for you to survive these relationships.  Work, values, homes, friends and even family relationships may have to substantively change for a successful recovery. 

What lengths are you willing to go to in order to be free? 

When you answer that question, you may have to face another risk; to be alone and be okay.

TO BE ALONE AND BE OKAY ~

People who are not afraid to be alone can afford to demand relationships that work.  They are not desperate while between relationships.  Nor do they fill their lives with mindless television or mind-numbing addictions.  They learn to be alone and be okay.

TO BE SPIRITUAL ~

Here is what happens spiritually:

First comes the connection with self and the acceptance of your own brokenness.  Then there is the acceptance of the community and renewed trust in others.  The ability to trust oneself and others clears the path to trusting a creator. 

That trust also means acceptance of a larger purpose, a purpose in which, at times, even bad things can happen to very good people ...

To trust a higher purpose or power requires an essential trust of others.  Trust of others really only comes from a deep trust of your own integrity.

TO BE HONEST ~

If you have a solid spiritual life, you realize that nothing really disconnects you from others.  Then it is a matter of courage to be yourself and to be honest about who you are.  This means:

1. To admit the hard things about yourself.
2. To be clear about hard things others must hear.
3. To not mislead anyone.
4. To not live a secret life.
5. To abandon false fronts and false pride.
6. To be clear about your intent.
7. To tell the truth.
8. To not hide from difficult moments.
9. To give up being "nice" all the time.
10. To state your needs and wants without shame.
11. To not cover or lie for anyone.  

TO BE VULNERABLE ~

The most important skill to acquire and use in recovery is the capacity to get a consultation.  To get a consultation means to involve people in what goes on in your own interior world.  The dumb thoughts.  The scary thoughts.  The garbled thoughts.  The irrational fears.  The angry, vengeful fantasies.  The nightmares.  The unspoken desire. 

By sharing with others, you have an examined life.  People know who you are.  They also help you with their perspectives and ideas.  They bring reality and problem-solving skills to your life.  This process allows for integration of the darker side of yourself and acceptance of your humanness ... It is then that we can share the shadow side of ourselves, the nasty, mean-spirited side of ourselves ... Failure to own that reality will keep us from the serenity that we seek.  Disowning our shadow will prevent integrity.  Remember that others are mirrors for ourselves.  What we love or hate in others reflects what we love or hate about ourselves. 

Dr. Carl Jung wrote that to acknowledge our skeletons is the only way we will be able to ultimately accept the "gold" of life.

TO FIGHT ~

Most survivors avoid conflict.  In their past, anger and violence meant great danger.  There were rules about keeping the peace and saying nice things.  The truth is that sometimes you will have to fight.  To remove yourself from a trauma bond safely and with self-care might mean that you have to insist on your rights ... Let go of being nice.  It is always important to let others hear you.  It is important to protect yourself.  It is always important to make sure you do not intentionally hurt others purely for the sake of hurting them.  These are all good reasons to fight.  Besides, the boundaries become clear in the process.

TO DEFINE SELF ~

One of the most common reports from people emerging from a trauma is that they had not realized how much someone or something else regulated their values, lifestyle and daily choices.

TO TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR YOURSELF ~

Your life is up to you.  Take charge of it or somebody else will.

FROM SUFFERING TO MEANING ~

Whether it is betrayal by seduction, terror, power, intimacy or spirit, exploitation is simply no longer acceptable ... We are accountable to each other for our behavior ... You have committed yourself to stopping or changing an abusive relationship.  In that you have helped all of us.

(from the book: The Betrayal Bond - Breaking Free of Exploitive Relationships by Patrick J. Carnes, Ph.D.)

Though no one can go back
And make a brand new start,
Anyone can start from now
And
Make a brand new ending.