Lauren Strong had a good feeling about her new relationship. Tom called when he said he would, texted when she least expected it, and introduced her to his family. Then the unthinkable happened: He called her Heather -- his ex's name -- twice. "It was just everyday conversation, like when he asked me to hand him something from the kitchen," recalls the New York woman. Soon after, he brought up being exclusive, and she realized his slip of the tongue was a sign he was starting to see her as His Girlfriend.
It may be counterintuitive, but Lauren's reasoning does make sense. "His slip reveals he associates her with his previous long-term relationship -- with commitment," says Debbie Mandel, author of Turn On Your Inner Light. Now, had Tom been dropping his ex's name all along (or in bed), it wouldn't have been a good omen (except, maybe, for Heather). No need to worry if your man of the moment has never confused you with his college sweetheart. Here are five more surprising signs that he's into you.
Giveaway #1:
He wants less sex.
What it reveals: Believe it or not, less action but the same amount of together time as before means he's happy and not worried about being a stud, says Marilyn Graman, author of There Is No Prince and Other Truths Your Mother Never Told You.
He's not losing interest -- he's gaining interest in building a life with you.
And research shows that the couples who last in the long run are the ones who are able to move beyond the total infatuation phase to a less physically-focused bond. It's a transition Jack Colt, of Glendale, California, knows well: "Once I reach the point when I want to see her every night but am no longer constantly trying to get her into bed, I'm whipped. Eating Chinese takeout and watching crappy TV with her becomes the ultimate fantasy!"
Giveaway #2:
You've met all of his friends.
What it means: "A guy who introduces you around wants to show you off to his friends," says April Masini, author of Date Out of Your League. "He's announcing to the world that he's dating you."
But most self-respecting men still won't bring a casual date around a buddy who's a ball-buster, buffoon, or lothario. Once your guy is comfortable enough with your relationship to trust his friends in low places (and all guys have 'em!) around you, it's a sign you're officially part of his life.
So while meeting a buddy or two isn't a clear clue you're in, meet-and-greets with pals from different parts of his life (the work friends, his college buddies, his dorky fantasy-football friends) is a flashing neon sign.
Why?
It's proof that you're getting the thumbs-up all around -- most importantly, from him.
Giveaway #3:
He remembers more about your life than you do.
What it reveals: Are you sitting down? Drum roll, please: He's been listening to you!
"Most guys feel overwhelmed by female chit-chat," says Mandel. "When a guy actually remembers your words, he's really trying hard to focus on you and he thinks that what you say is important. He wants to learn more about you to win you over."
You can be darn sure he's smitten if he keeps your friends straight, remembers which sister never returned your clothes, and points out that the steak you're about to order comes with your least-favorite food, cooked carrots.
Of course, some guys are just spacey and will never retain random info well, even once you're married with grandkids.
But any guy who makes the extra effort to zone in on your fabulousness is trying to tell you something.
Giveaway # 4:
He's not out on the town as much.
What it reveals: So your man used to hit Vegas at every excuse and stay out past midnight on early nights? No worries -- just ask yourself what he's done lately.
"Men who are ready to settle down start needing fewer nights out with the guys and spend more time with their girlfriend and other couples or families," says Masini. "It's not that they're being forced by their girlfriend to give all that up. They just don't want nights out with guys on the prowl because they want a lifestyle that incorporates a serious girlfriend."
Don't get us wrong. Even if he's ready to pick out soup tureens, he'll still need some guys-only events -- and it's a good thing, too, because otherwise you'd never get away to meet your girlfriends for just-because pedicures.
Giveaway #5:
He cares if there's air in your tires. Or whether your work parking lot is well lit. Or whether you've got enough OJ when you get the sniffles.
What it reveals: When your Romeo starts acting more like, well, Dad, it's because he wants to protect you, says Mandel. "Since he can't be your bodyguard all the time, he worries about your safety and health," she explains. "It's also a sign that he considers you a part of his world, and he wants to keep that intact."
Bottom line: Even though you know you're perfectly capable of watching out for yourself, humor him by getting that freckle checked out or adding an infinitesimal amount of air to your tires. It can't hurt to be cautious -- and you'll be dropping your own clue that you're getting serious, too.
Lisa Lombardi has written for Marie Claire, Redbook, Glamour, Shape, and Modern Bride.
Mr. Wrong
Warning! He Might Be the Wrong Guy
by Stacy Gilliam
Ever ignore that voice on a date?
The one that asks you, "Did this fool just say he didn't believe in monogamy? Did he really just call it unrealistic and quote a study to make his point, too?" You heard it loud and clear, and may have even engaged him in a sassy debate on the topic. But by the end of the night, his charm, intelligence (He articulated his views on infidelity so well!) and good looks trump what you really want him to believe in -- a committed relationship.
Why do we do that?
"People always want to hope that this is the one," says Deborrah Cooper, popular relationship columnist Ms. Heartbeat and author of 'Sucka-Free Love: How to Avoid Dating The Dumb, The Deceitful, The Dastardly, The Dysfunctional and The Deranged!' "We're quick to brush warning signs under the rug. We tell ourselves it's not as bad as they might think, the person didn't mean what they said. Somehow it's discounted and pushed aside because the focus is on acquisition of this person's love, instead of, 'Is this the right person to love?'"
Cooper says we focus on the end goal, and not on who we're trying to achieve the goal with. Is this you?
Next time you involve yourself with a person you think could be the one, look out for some of these all-too common red flags. Note: Sometimes, you're the one waving it.
Red Flag #1: He's not available!
If Mr. Wonderful says he's about to break-up with his girlfriend or he and his ex still get together on occasion, that's code for "Take a number and get in line." But some women, Cooper says, will see this as competition set up to prove that they're the better choice.
Red Flag #2: When he says he's not the "boyfriend-type," believe him.
Other variations: "I'm just trying to have fun," or "I'm not really looking for a girlfriend right now." Guys will tell you who they are right off the bat, and women think they're the ones who can change his mind.
Red Flag #3: Your phone isn't ringing enough.
If you call him and he takes a week or two to call you back, let it go. Or, you hear from him when he wants something. "People make time for what they're interested in, what's important to them," Cooper says.
Red Flag #4: His life is closed off to you.
He hasn't introduced you to his friends. He visits you, but you never visit him. The two of you barely go out in public. "If it's like the guy has two separate lives, he's made you a friend with benefits." Or worse, a secret lover.
Red Flag #5: You paid for the first date. And the second. And the third.
Oh, he's got money. The tricked up ride is proof of that. He's just not spending much of it on you. "You want someone who can meet you on a level playing field," Cooper says. "Or at least has a spirit of sharing, like a partner."
Red Flag #6: He can describe what kind of underwear you had on last night, but has no clue what you do for a living.
When he's showing no interest in your life or who you are as a person, you've made yourself a bed buddy.
Red Flag #7: His ex keeps creeping up in conversation.
Making quick references to past relationships is one thing. But when it's clearly emotional baggage he can't unload, how can he focus on forging a new journey with you?
Ah, we could go on and on. You know a red flag when you see one. Some are more major than others. Certainly, if you get even a glimpse of a violent streak in your date, bid him a quick adieu. But the flag is present, you know, when you feel the prickly things on the back of your neck. When you get that little nudge in your gut. And yes, when that voice makes you question why you're wasting your time with someone who doesn't believe in monogamy.
"The purpose of dating is to find a man that fits your lifestyle, your values, your personality, your goals," Cooper says. "You're looking for a 90 percent dude, where all your needs are met and then there are a few, minor adjustments to make."
Stacy Gilliam is an award-winning freelance journalist living from Washington, D.C.
Can I be jealous?
It didn't just make my day! It made my week!
I am thankful that we have the kind of marriage where both of us think we got better than we deserved!
Huggggggggggggggggz,
Taylor
P.S. You can be jealous if you want to, but the same Keeper of the Stars that joined our two hearts has His eye on you too!